Morning Update: 2024′s celebrity commencement speeches, ranked

Good morning. Letting a celebrity deliver your commencement speech is always a gamble – more on that below, along with a big G7 loan and summer’s best books. But first:

Today’s headlines

• NDP’s Jagmeet Singh ‘more alarmed’ about foreign interference allegations after reading unredacted report
• Winnipeg landfill search to start this summer, could last two years
• As Paris gets ready for Olympics, River Seine’s water quality takes centre stage

Report card

School’s out for summer

A combative year on university campuses is coming to an end with a number of newsmaking (and eye-popping) commencement addresses. Here is a very subjective ranking of 2024′s class of celebrity speakers.

Best math: I’m not about to drag an athlete for his use of cliché; everyone knows that geniuses-in-motion aren’t geniuses-in-reflection, too. So, yeah, in his address to Dartmouth grads on Sunday, Roger Federer served up the hits: Hard work matters as much as talent, life is bigger than the tennis court. But then Federer dropped some encouraging statistics. It turns out he won 80 per cent of his 1,526 singles matches – but a measly 54 per cent of the points. “When you lose every second point,” he said, “you learn not to dwell on every shot.” And now that clunky phrase in yesterday’s newsletter has completely vanished from my mind.

Best sidestep: In his first public appearance since that whole Drake dustup, Kendrick Lamar wisely kept the focus on Compton College’s graduating class. “Y’all have a heart. Y’all have the courage to be independent thinkers. There’s nothing more valuable than that.” Lamar also implied he was a member of their Gen Z cohort – he’s not; he’s in his mid-30s – but there’s nothing more relatable than lying about your age.

Worst room-reading: When Duke University announced Jerry Seinfeld as its convocation speaker, some students were upset: The comedian has supported Israel through its war in Gaza, and recently told The New Yorker that TV had become too woke to watch. As a few dozen walked out of the proceedings, Seinfeld said, “A lot of you are thinking, ‘I can’t believe they invited this guy.’ Too late,” and pledged to defend the concept of privilege.

Most offensive: You probably expect my beef with Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker to be all the misogynistic, homophobic gripes in his Benedictine College speech. And you’re right! I did not enjoy the bits about how the “most important title” in a woman’s life is “homemaker” and how men should be “unapologetic in your masculinity.” But he also suggested that Travis Kelce’s girlfriend coined the phrase “familiarity breeds contempt” – and come on now, Butker. Taylor Swift (who is up on her philosophers) could’ve told you that was Augustine.

Most banal: Buffalo grads weren’t thrilled when D’Youville University tapped an AI robot named Sophia for their commencement address. And its insights up there proved less than insightful: Failure’s good, friends are better, lifelong learning is the best. But at this time of division, maybe we can agree on the wisdom of delivering some totally forgettable, anodyne remarks. Also, Sophia won the students over with a well-timed “Go Bills.”

Honourable mention: The crypto-shilling, singalong-leading, magic-trick-performing Ohio State guy, who wrote his speech on ayahuasca.

The Shot

From frozen Russian assets to US$50-billion loan

At their summit in Italy yesterday, G7 leaders boosted Ukraine’s war efforts with a major loan using frozen Russian assets, while the U.S. and Ukraine inked a 10-year security pact. Read more here.

The Wrap

What else we’re following (Dads Edition)

At home: Canadian dads are older, at home more and having fewer kids. Dave McGinn looks at how fatherhood is changing across the country.

Abroad: Did you know that U.K. Labour Party leader (and next-PM shoo-in) Keir Starmer is the son of a toolmaker? Because he can’t stop mentioning it – and is sure to again on the campaign trail this weekend.

Whoops: Just realizing now that it’s Father’s Day on Sunday? Give him one of these stellar summer reads.

Yikes: The average Canadian wedding costs somewhere around $30,000. Good news for couples (and their parents): It’s cool to elope.