Celebrities are just like us — they aren’t that special

It’s story time in celebville

Grammys, Emmys, Oscars, Tonys, Obies, Baftas, SAGs, Critics Choices, National Board of Review, Golden Globes, MTV things, GLAAD Media whatevers, Satellite Awards, Variety Club Awards.

Enough already. Next up, “The Shovies.”

Actors are us. Not special. Researching years back, here’s what I learned:

Sydney Telegraph: “Kevin Costner blew up at his [now ex] wife after she went on a shopping spree in Paris. ‘You know how much our wedding cost?!’ ” he asked.

Kelsey Grammer: “I’ve gone to a dermatologist to get a peel, which uses little crystals. One interviewer then said I sandpaper my face.”

James Ulmer’s “Hollywood Hot List”: “Ethan Hawke’s rumored to have three nipples.”

London Times: “Brad Pitt looked like a God in three dimensions but we didn’t always understand what he’s saying in that street voice. I think it’s his own Brad language.”

Entertainment Weekly: “Harrison Ford speaks with an accent so slight it’s like the equivalent of a fake mustache.”

In Playboy: Dustin Hoffman’s first sexual encounter at 15. The woman, 20, thought he was his older brother. Caught in the act: “I jumped off stark naked in the living room. Might’ve been the beginning of my acting career because they stood up and applauded. I liked that applause.”

Matt Damon: “Affleck’s brother Casey makes things up just to screw up our interviews. He told People magazine I used to break dance. Enough!”

Keanu Reeves: “One false rumor had someone trying to sell my spleen on the Internet.”

Jennifer Aniston: “One rumor said I crush aspirin to cure my flaky scalp.”

Daily Mail: Michael Douglas’ son Cameron: “Being in the famous Douglas clan isn’t bad. Helpful getting me jobs. But if you get a job solely on your name and you suck — you just look like a real a - - hole.”

Charlie Sheen poem per Anecdotage.com: “There’s a goat in my a— /Living mainly on grass/They say the creature was stolen/Yet he feeds on my colon.”

Mirror: Hugh Grant: “Whenever I was with a girl and she left the room, first thing I looked for was her diary. Good to know how deep girls’ insecurities go.”

At full boil

Restaurants: Daniel Boulud, mixing and mingled inside his just reopened Upper East Side gold mine Café Boulud and wearing the equivalent of a squeaky clean bib, said: “A chef cannot walk out with an apron that has any spot on it.”

Red, white & boo

Patriotism: With Hunter, Biden, Fauci, Menendez, Santos — are we a great country, or what . . .

Moviemaking. New York writer James Monteverde:

“I was a writer in Hollywood. My optioned script, ready for pre-production, then got scrapped. I realized the industry wasn’t interested in pro-American themes, quality scripts or the wisdom of ‘In God We Trust.’ They wanted only scripts promoting sexual promiscuity, drug usage, gun violence and the cheapening of everyday life. I’ve written about ethics, jurisprudence, citizenry, America first and ‘In God We Trust.’

“Anyone wanting such a project, let me know.”

Manhattan apartment. Wife: “I liked it when you kissed me while we made love.”

Husband: “What do you mean, kissed you?! I was giving you mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.”

Only in New York, kids, Only in New York.