Jeanette Settembre
When Michele Maize got sober almost three years ago after trying to quit drugs and alcohol on and off for 12 years, Matthew Perry was the friend the mom-of-two didn’t know she needed.
Orange County, Calif.-based Maize, 45, was a little over a year into recovery when she picked up the late actor’s memoir, “Friends, Lovers And The Big Terrible Thing” in November, 2022 devouring it in a week.
She identified with Perry’s ability to hide his addiction like her own. To the outside world, she was a successful mom volunteering at her kids’ school.
She ate healthy and worked out, working at an Alzheimer’s clinic and doing yoga by day.
But at the height of her addiction, she was quietly popping Xanax and downing vodka by the bottle.
“I was living a double life. People didn’t think I ever had a problem. I was hiding it behind closed doors like he [Perry] was,” Maize told The Post.
“I’d drink in secret. He was taking a massive amount of pills and doing those episodes of ‘Friends,’ he fell down so many times just like I did.”
Perry’s honesty about his addiction before his sudden death at age 54 on Oct. 28 from an apparent drowning at his Malibu home saw him detail how he spent more than $7 million on rehabilitation efforts, had repeatedly been hospitalized and more than once come close to death.
“He was so respected and was such an awesome guy but then was doing all these shady things behind closed doors. I’ve done that. Meeting people in random spots that isn’t safe to get stuff,” Maize told The Post.
“He mentioned [in the book] when using, he didn’t get high anymore, he wasn’t drunk anymore it wasn’t working — I resonated with that,” she added.
Growing up with an absent mother whom she says was an alcoholic, Maize vowed never to abuse drugs or alcohol.
She relished episodes of “Friends” as an escape — favoring the episode, “The One Where Everybody Finds Out,” (Season 5, Episode 14), when Monica and Chandler’s secret relationship is revealed — one by one — to the rest of their friend group.
“It’s about hiding. The seduction scene is hilarious. I love how he [Perry] used the inflection in his voice to make everything funnier,” Maize said.
After having her two daughters when she turned 30, she found herself spiraling. Her husband gave her countless ultimatums.
“I was a really shy introverted young girl, when I drank I didn’t have to be that girl anymore. My husband found me one day really drunk and I went to rehab. I would have it together for a while and something would happen I would go on a drinking binge. I was in and out of that, kind of like Perry’s story.”
But it wasn’t until Jan. 6, 2021 during a bender she reconciled with her addiction.
“I just went wild the last day I drank. I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw my mom staring back at me. In that moment, I said this is it, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’”
While Maize never met Perry in person, she was inspired to help others get sober like Perry did, telling the Post she now volunteers to help friends dealing with substance abuse issues.
“The best thing about me is that if an alcoholic comes up to me and says, ‘Will you help me stop drinking? I will say, ‘Yes. I know how to do that,’” Perry told The Hollywood Reporter in 2015. He sold his Malibu home in 2015 and was planning to reopen the center in another location.
Maize says Perry’s book had such a profound parallels, from a childhood with divorced parents to his going to 14, like her own dozen attempts, she wrote in an essay for Medium in April.
“Even though I didn’t use as much as he did, I still had the big, terrible thing. I had the potential to get worse and I did. I kept falling, just like Matthew,” she wrote.
“It doesn’t matter if you are some big-time celebrity that is making a million dollars an episode, I feel connected to your inner struggles. I know that feeling of trying to fill the empty hole inside.”
A pivotal moment in the book for Maize was when Perry suffered a harrowing near-death experience in 2018 after his colon exploded from opioid use. It brought her to tears.
“He mentioned [about his addiction in the book] when using, he didn’t get high anymore he wasn’t drunk anymore it wasn’t working — I resonated with that,” Maize said.
“Towards the end he just accepted himself for who he was and not who he wanted to be. I’ve just accepted that I’m introverted and a little awkward and that’s okay. I don’t want to go out and party anymore because I’ve been there, done that,” she said.
“He said he never gave up. He kept trying. I’ve probably tried 30 different times [to stay sober] — that really resonated with me,” she said.
This post was originally posted by NYPost
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